Mema's Dragony Quest
by MisledMuse
Summary: Like "The Adventures of Neil" and wish it had a Dragon Quest spin? Well I'm granting your desire with my own version of it!


I swear that eventually I write something other than a parody but for now just humor me. If you read it and you liked it review it and I'll continue it. Review it saying you hated it and I'll just leave it to rot. Or continue it just to entertain myself. Whatever I feel like doing. Anyways read already and get to the reviewing.

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"Once again, Mema, you show us how far a person can fail at such an epic scale that you actually succeed just a little bit," I sang to myself as I jumped off the school bus. I held my failed algebra test in one hand, a red 45 staining the front of the paper. Thanks to this 45 I get to retake the test. And if I take Lori's test and memorize the answers I can get a perfect 100 on the retake. You see, the algebra teachers each make their own test and for the student's retaking the test they switch forms. So if I just look over my friend from another class's test that means I can actually score a passing grade. My genius surpasses my wit. Or should it be my wit surpasses my genius? Ah screw it, let's just say I'm the freaking failing genius.

I merrily skipped the two blocks to my house and threw the door open. "Greetings, Posey," I greeted to my pet toy poodle. The poodle growled from her spot on her bed in the corner of the living room. That dog hates my guts. Probably since the day I tried to dry her off in the super size microwave the same day I blew up a package of hot dogs in the super size blender. I don't know what the hot dogs have to do with it, but apparently the poodle would never look my way again. Well fine if you want to know the facts, the hot dog pieces got all over her, and being such the prissy dog she was she gave herself a bath. I was forced to dry her off and thought it would be a great day to try our new microwave said to cook the hot dogs of god. Hot god dogs. Anyways that's why the dog hates me even though I'm the one that feeds her Purina cat chow.

I slammed the door. I threw my school bag in the corner. As soon as the bag collided with the wall my cell phone went off.

"PICK UP THE DAMN PHONE YOU IDIOT!" rang my ring tone that Lori had specially made me. She's such a sweet friend. I scrambled to get to my bag and flipped open the cell. I read the caller ID. It was Drake, my boyfriend! He doesn't only have a job at Gamestop and gets my all the half price games I want, he also is real. And while not as attractive as the hottest guy in the universe he's okay for an acne ridden, buck tooth, badly in need of corrective dental and laser eye surgery, overly white boy.

"Hallo, darling," I breathed into the phone. Maybe he wanted to come over and do - I mean HELP - me with my history homework which was.... like read some pages.... and like.... do a worksheet or essay or something? Or maybe he just wanted to go through my video game collection again. I dare not brag but I have the most valuable RPG collection the world has ever seen with such rare games that they don't even sell in the stores anymore. I have the kind of games you can only find in the jacket of some drug dealer on the corner stone at the Quicke Mart.

"Hey, um, sweetie? Just wanted to, uh, hehehehehe, like tell ya that.... Well...."

"Yes, Drakey-dear?" I say Drake and I are destined to be together. Put the ring on my finger for I have the hand of the heavenly bride!

"I think we need to take some time apart, Mema."

Oh, Drake is so smart and has a job! Much better than what any other girl who looks like me can get! Not that I'm ugly at 180 pounds with a cup size of A or anything. Like Daddy tells me, I just look unique. I have the body of a video game goddess! Or just the body of a goddess who plays too many video games and not enough wii fit. "Drakey, I'd do anything for you!"

"So you won't mind if I go out with Nina for homecoming?"

"Of course - " then suddenly my mind snapped into place and I thought about what he was saying for once. "Wait a minute," I began, "what are you saying Drake? Are you...."

"I'm just saying we need to stay apart for some time, Mema. Like maybe go out with other people, but you know still stay as friends. Like I can still come over to your house and play your PSX games and you can still...um... well, hug me and do all the weird non-sexual stuff you like to do."

"Are you.... breaking up with me?"

"OH! YEAH! That's what it's called, 'breaking up!' I totally forgot the word! Phew, that's a faster way to end this. Yeah, I'm breaking up with you."

"Wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-wo-we-wo-what?"

"You're a dumbass, Mema, and c'mon, your fanfics all suck and you don't even have them posted yet. You don't do anything at school. And you're dream of becoming an author is so lame cause I've heard your ideas, and hello? They're all copies of video games! You're going nowhere with your life while me, I'm gonna be the manager of a Gamestop at age 15! Sorry, but I can go after much smarter average looking babes. Bye, Mema, hope I didn't hurt your feelings."

And with that he hung up. I stared at my phone is shock. We'd been dating for a year. A YEAR. And he suddenly just decides to leave me? The second-best thing that's ever happened in my life has just left me?

Posey looked at me with her tail wagging a fraction. She was waiting for the tears to fall. But you know what, stupid dog, I'm better than that! I can handle a break up!

I stormed into the kitchen and thrust open the fridge. There waiting for me was a fresh cold ramune, or to those of you not into the great wonders of Japan, an Asian soda. I popped it open and swigged the entire thing down. But hmmm, needs something a little more.... Something with a kick.

"Hey, Mom," I shouted to my stay at home and rot Mother, "where's the key to the liquor cabinet?"

"It's under the bill pile, darling. Please don't get into the liquor, dear," she answered from some cold, dark place in her room.

"I won't, Mom, I just want to know where it is so I won't know and thus won't get into it."

"Good girl."

And with that time to spice up my ramune drink! I grabbed the entire carton of ramune drinks and under the curious eyes of Posey I got into the vodka and just sprinkled the tiniest bit into every raume bottle. After dumping out the fifth flask of good old alky into my drink, I headed upstairs to my loft.

"Time to cheer myself up," I decided. I grabbed my improved ramune drinks and headed upstairs to my loft, otherwise known as my video game heaven.

Now time to spend time with the first best thing of my life: Dragon Quest. I own every Dragon Quest game for every system. Even the games that haven't been released in America. And when I'm down there's nothing that cheers me up more than turning on every Game Boy Color, DS, and PS2 with my favorite Dragon Quest game inside. To start with I chose Dragon Warrior 1 and 2 for GBC while taking my second player and choosing Dragon Warrior 3. Then I turned on my TV and played Dragon Quest 8 and after that I got onto my computer and turned on my ROM of Dragon Quest 6. And no, this wasn't done in order, I turned all of them on at once and played all of them at once. I'm just that skilled.

And I went into my happy place deep into the night...

And... well, this next part I don't really remember but it went something like this.....

I got to the end of Dragon Warrior 1 about the same time I reached Dhoulmagus in Dragon Quest 8 and while I was kicking DracoLord's tail and beating up the jester I guess I was a little dizzy and kinda spilled some ramune/vodka on my consoles and well.... some technical babble happened and..... I was electrocuted.

I screamed as electricity went through every part of my body and caused me to twitch like a cock-eyed mofo. The last thing I remember seeing was the credits rolling for Dragon Warrior 1 and Dhoulmagus cackling at me as my party was attacked by scores of thorny vines. I fell face forward and passed out. Dead to the world.

But no worries. I woke up.

In a castle town which by the way my loft does not look like. It doesn't have a medieval theme nor is it made out of stone and it doesn't have battle armor and swords hanging off the wall. And where were all my games? And what happened to my jeans and baggy t-shirt? Now I'm wearing a.... a dress? WHAT THE HELL I DON'T WEAR DRESSES. And what's this overture song playing in the background of my head?

"What the hell -?"

Suddenly someone took my hand. "Loto, it's your 16th birthday!" said someone who is definitely not anyone I know. I pushed the unknown woman away. She was dressed like someone from the Scarborough fair. She had a bowl of gruel and her hand and was eagerly handing it to me. I took it and looked down into it. It smelled like bad meat mixed in with rotten vegetables like something from Medieval Times. I looked into the strange woman's eyes who for some reason looked oddly enough like someone drawn by Akira Toriyama with the big eyes and the little nose. I put the bowl down and looked for a mirror. There was one by a oak dresser. I looked at it. My face had been changed. Gone was my double chin replaced by a slender neck, I now had anime eyes, and my hair was bright red. I looked down at my chest. Wow, did I have boobs or what! They were huge! Just like Jessica from Dragon Quest 8, wow -

That's when the facts reached me.

"I just got warped into the Dragon Quest world...." I whispered to myself. "Everything I know from my world is gone, parents, Lori, Drake. I'm in a fantasy world now with monsters and magic. I know nothing of where I am and I'll probably end up being killed by slimes.....

".....this is freaking awesome!"


End file.
